Little Did We Know....

The fall of 2010 we decided that it was a perfect time to work on starting our family. We searched the Internet for information on the different methods available to us. The easiest, least expensive, and convenient way was: AHI (At Home Insemination).

The first step was to choose a sperm donor. This would prove to be a much bigger decision than first thought. The donor had to be someone we knew personally because this is a very intimate process. Tho, not as intimate as for a "straight" couple, still intimate. This person had to be in good health; have the time and "energy" to put into this "project" (because that's exactly what trying to conceive became, a science project); have a flexible time schedule. The most important thing concerning the donor was for him to know that Nikki and I wanted to parent this child. We wanted to be the sole decision-makers concerning the child. But, we did like the idea of the donor being someone who would be a part of the child's life, just not a parental role. Also, we knew we wanted a second child later on, and wanted them to be biological siblings.

We believe the more people there are to love the child, the better it is for him/her. All families are different. There's no perfect family. Some families have a mom and dad, some have just a mom or just a dad, and some have two moms or two dads. Some families have biological children, some adopt. I lived in an adoptive home with a mom and dad. Nikki lived in a single-parent home, not having had any consistent, positive male role models. Just because our child won't have a "father", doesn't mean that he/she won't have any male role models. We knew we wanted our donor to play that role, as well we asked a couple of our male family members and they agreed to be that as well.

Needless to say, we felt like we were prepared. It was decided that Nikki would carry our first child, and I would carry the second. finally decided on a donor, the method, and when to start. (We have had many people ask us "HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING IT?; I'll describe it below for all the inquiring minds; because to be honest, we wondered if the at-home method would work too.) The donor we chose is a dear friend. Nikki has known him since she was young. We knew his background, and we trusted him. We trust that he'll never try to play a bigger role in our children's lives than we all previously decided.

Second on the list was to purchase all supplies needed: sterile cups, sterile syringes. Not to be too personal, but here is the process "in a nut shell": specimen is deposited into a sterile cup; specimen is then delivered to us in a separate room; a sterile syringe is used to draw-up the specimen; syringe is used to insert specimen directly into cervix.

Third step was to track Nikki's ovulation We purchased an over-the-counter ovulation kit. Depending on the number of days between her cycles, she would have to check her urine for a certain number of days each month in order to test for ovulation. Once the test was positive, that meant it was "prime time" to inseminate. this would be done for 3-4 days each month.

It was a disappointment each month that it didn't "take". We just assumed like most people do, that whenever we decided to start our family, it would be just that easy. We thought it may take a few months because even "straight" couples that are trying to conceive in the traditional way, sometimes it takes awhile.

We weren't worried at first. It was exciting. Dreaming about the family we would have. Telling Nikki how cute she would look with a baby bump. Anticipating what it would feel like to finally get a positive pregnancy test. These first few months were filled with happiness, excitement, wonder. Little did we know, that heartbreak was right around the corner....

Written by Barbara