A Lot of Maybe's

I love that after 7 years our love is still so strong. (believe me, we have put each other thru some stuff!) when I look at her I think, "how did I get this lucky to have this woman by my side?". She is strong, loving, kind-hearted, sensitive, beautiful, dedicated, hard-working, faithful, truthful, self-less. She is like my armor, she protects me. I love the feeling my heart feels just from looking at her, whether it's while she's "playing" on her phone; watching TV; walking thru the door after work; laying beside me at night; walking thru the grocery store; (I'm sure you get the point) It's all the everyday things that make me love her more and more. The little mundane things, that so many of us forget about sometimes. How she knows me so well, and despite knowing my short-comings still loves me with all her heart.
Nikki is the type of person who, when she is committed to something, there's no stopping her.

I remember it was the second time I had seen her. We were at a mutual friend's house. I had accidentally locked my keys in my car. She immediately offered to assist me in getting them out. This was a cold November night and it was drizzling rain. I couldn't believe that she would be so nice, and she really didn't even know me yet. Yet, she, and she alone, was out in the cold with me. Not knowing it then, but that moment would not be that last time we would be standing in the cold, with only each other.

Some times that is how it has felt-cold, alone, like no one understood. Everyday people take for granted that: they can marry whom they choose (if you're straight); have naturally as many little babies running around that they'd like (if your straight); the children running wild in their house are truly blessings; the moments when you wanna pull your hair out because the baby kept you up; or when you don't have the luxury to spoil yourself because you have little ones to buy for; the times parents get aggravated in the store because the kids are impatient; the proud moments when your child makes honor role, hits the ball, says those funny little things that kids say, wants one more kiss goodnight, the baby wants to be rocked for just a few extra minutes that night; or each time your child calls you Mommy or Daddy. All of those moments are precious, worth savoring, definitely not worth over-looking, or being made light of.

Each and every moment with the ones we love are to cherished. I get so aggravated when listening to people complain about the everyday things. I wanna scream, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE'VE GIVE TO EXPERIENCE ANY OF THAT? DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD WE FIGHT LITERALLY EVERY DAY TO EVENTUALLY HAVE THOSE GRIPES/COMPLAINTS? IN HOPES THAT ONE DAY WE CAN HEAR OUR BABIES CALLING US MOMMY, AND NOT JUST FOR THE FIRST TIME, BUT EVERY TIME? BECAUSE IF YOU DID, THEN YOU WOULD WRAP YOUR ARMS AROUND YOUR BABIES AND BE THANKFUL FOR EACH MESS THEY MAKE, EACH DIAPER YOU HAVE TO CHANGE, EACH TIME YOU HAVE TO GET UP IN THE MIDDLE IF THE NIGHT FOR A BOTTLE OR A BAD DREAM,"

I know we will make great parents! We have fought hard. We know what it's like to lay in bed with an empty nursery next door. We know what it's like to feel like your dreams are coming true, only to end up with disappointment.

I have pushed thru other people's prejustice. I am a person, just like everyone else. I just so happen to have a wife instead of a husband. It doesn't make me a bad person, or make me less-than. Nikki and I have the same dreams most people at our ages and in our positions have.

Our children will be loved, wanted, planned for, waited on, dreamed of, definitely spoiled. Maybe we wouldn't be so thankful and observant if our journey had not taken us where it has. Maybe our love wouldn't be as strong as it is. Maybe that flutter in my heart I feel when Nikki smiles at me, or laughs at my jokes even when I can't even remember the punch line. There are a lot of maybe's!

Written by Barbara