It Seem As If One of Our Dreams Were Being Realized

In late Spring 2011, having yet to conceive, we were propositioned by a close friend. Her teenage daughter had unexpectedly just found out she was pregnant. She was due in only a few weeks. They asked us if we would like to adopt this baby. The young girl stated that she felt unprepared to parent this child. We discussed an open adoption, due to the fact that we were all friends. She and her mother would be able to have an active role in the child's life. Being adopted myself I can relate to an adoptive child, and as I've stated before we feel like the more people to love a child, the better.

Since we only had a few weeks to prepare for the baby, and since this was something we had wanted for so long, we immediately started to set up the nursery. We bought a crib, changing table, crib bedding, room decorations, clothes, etc. It seemed as if one of our dreams were being realized.

For as long as I can remember I've always wanted to adopt. I want a biological child too. But, if for some reason I wasn't able to have a biological child, adoption is a wonderful alternative. Even a first choice rather than alternative. I have always felt very strongly about it. So, when this opportunity was "put in our laps", we "jumped on it". Our families were excited for us. They helped us prepare. I can still remember the first time we went to the doctor with her. We were all standing in the room when she had her first ultrasound. There was a very large screen hanging on the wall, instead of the small monitor the technician viewed. As the technician scrolled around her belly getting different shots of each body part and measuring the baby's size, I caught a glimpse of "HIS" parts. I wanted to scream "It's a boy!". It was only a few seconds later, with me embracing Nikki, the tech said indeed it is a boy. She and I both started crying and hugging. It didn't matter that neither one of us were carrying him, it only mattered that we were having a baby boy.

Next, we needed to decide upon a name. The birthmother had asked us what we wanted to name him so she could start referring to him by that name. The name we chose was very special to us. It was a combination of mine and Nikki's names. Our dream was short-lived though. She changed her mind and decided to parent him. Needless to say, we were devastated. To top it all off, she still gave him the special first name we had picked out. Our hearts were broken as we had never experienced before. We do not hold any grudges and are now at peace with the decision she made to parent him. But, at first we were very hurt and angered over the name issue. Above all, all that matters is that he is loved and taken care of, even if not by us. We were grieving the loss of the child we thought would be ours in a matter of weeks.

I closed the door to the nursery, determined to lock away the hurt, sadness, and devastation that we were feeling. You know, "out of sight, out of mind". Well let me jus say it doesn't quite work like that!

In July that same year we were again surprised to find out that someone else close to us had found herself in a situation. Her pregnancy was unplanned, and found herself wanting to help us. Still broken over the failed adoption and not having conceived, we wanted so badly something good to happen for us. We readily agreed that this was a wonderful blessing given to us on the brink of everything that had happened. Again, just a few weeks later, disappointment followed. The birthmother had miscarried.

But, the sun was about to shine! On Friday, September 2, 2011, we finally got our 1st positive pregnancy test. Nikki was almost 4 weeks pregnant. We went on a trip with my family that weekend to Hot Springs, Arkansas. We were bubbling over with joy and excitement. We just couldn't hold it in. We told both our families and our friends our great news. All was good in our little world...till it was shattered.