Saturday, November 24, 2012
Best Christmas Gift Ever
Well, our IUI on Nov. 2nd wasn't a success. So, the process starts all over again. Nikki completed her second round of Clomid on Thursday. This time the doctor increased her dosage from 50mg to 100mg.
On the seventh day post ovulation blood test earlier this month showed her progesterone level was high. This led us to believe that we actually went in for IUI a day too early. Nikki got a positive ovulation test on that Friday, November 2. We went in that day for IUI. In July, when Nikki had her first IUI, she had a positive ovulation test on Sunday, July 1, and had IUI done on Monday, July 2. Her seven days post-ovulation blood work showed she did ovulate the day of IUI. We got a positive pregnancy test, but she later miscarried in August.
So, this round, we are gonna do IUI the day after her positive ovulation test, and hopefully get good results.
As the holidays are here, our hearts are just a little more heavy. We long to have our children to create memories and traditions with. For now, we have our many nieces and nephews to dote on. But, they're not "ours".
I would never have thought that I'd be 32-years-old, and not have any children. When I was 20, I thought I'd have my 2 or 3 kids by the time I turned 30. Nikki didn't plan on having as many difficulties with conceiving and staying pregnant either. It's funny how we plan things when we're young, and just assume that's how things will "play-out".
I'm glad things did not go as I planned at 20 because I may never have met the love of my life, Nikki. I wouldn't change or trade one minute of our 7 years together. She is my dream come true. She works hard to provide for us. Especially now when, due to back problems, I'm unable to work.
I have always battled with my weight. As far back into my childhood as I can remember, I was always taller and bigger than the other kids. As an adult, I have dieted, exercised, did unhealthy things, all to lose weight. I will lose some, then get lazy and gain it all back, plus some. I've always been very self conscious about the way I look. When Nikki met me I was about 85 pounds lighter than I am now. I've took for granted the ability to walk/exercise. Since last October, when I got another herniated disc in my back that is impinging on a nerve, I haven't been able to do much. So, needless to say, I have put on a few pounds. But, Nikki doesn't see the weight. She sees "me". She sees the woman she loves. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't tell me how beautiful I am. She looks in my eyes and tells me. Even when I can't find one thing about myself that I like, she finds many, many things. She loves all of me. I never dreamed that I would find a woman like her. She is self-less and encouraging. She makes this journey worth-it. She keeps me motivated and going each day, even on the days when I'm the most down.
She has definitely had to "put-up" with a lot from me. Due to me being Bipolar, I am depressed a majority of the time. She is always there to comfort me and see me thru all of my "episodes". But, I'll write about myself in another blog post.
We hope that this is the last holiday season we have to celebrate childless. We hope to be posting good news in a few weeks. That would definitely be the best Christmas gift ever!
Written by Barbara
On the seventh day post ovulation blood test earlier this month showed her progesterone level was high. This led us to believe that we actually went in for IUI a day too early. Nikki got a positive ovulation test on that Friday, November 2. We went in that day for IUI. In July, when Nikki had her first IUI, she had a positive ovulation test on Sunday, July 1, and had IUI done on Monday, July 2. Her seven days post-ovulation blood work showed she did ovulate the day of IUI. We got a positive pregnancy test, but she later miscarried in August.
So, this round, we are gonna do IUI the day after her positive ovulation test, and hopefully get good results.
As the holidays are here, our hearts are just a little more heavy. We long to have our children to create memories and traditions with. For now, we have our many nieces and nephews to dote on. But, they're not "ours".
I would never have thought that I'd be 32-years-old, and not have any children. When I was 20, I thought I'd have my 2 or 3 kids by the time I turned 30. Nikki didn't plan on having as many difficulties with conceiving and staying pregnant either. It's funny how we plan things when we're young, and just assume that's how things will "play-out".
I'm glad things did not go as I planned at 20 because I may never have met the love of my life, Nikki. I wouldn't change or trade one minute of our 7 years together. She is my dream come true. She works hard to provide for us. Especially now when, due to back problems, I'm unable to work.
I have always battled with my weight. As far back into my childhood as I can remember, I was always taller and bigger than the other kids. As an adult, I have dieted, exercised, did unhealthy things, all to lose weight. I will lose some, then get lazy and gain it all back, plus some. I've always been very self conscious about the way I look. When Nikki met me I was about 85 pounds lighter than I am now. I've took for granted the ability to walk/exercise. Since last October, when I got another herniated disc in my back that is impinging on a nerve, I haven't been able to do much. So, needless to say, I have put on a few pounds. But, Nikki doesn't see the weight. She sees "me". She sees the woman she loves. There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't tell me how beautiful I am. She looks in my eyes and tells me. Even when I can't find one thing about myself that I like, she finds many, many things. She loves all of me. I never dreamed that I would find a woman like her. She is self-less and encouraging. She makes this journey worth-it. She keeps me motivated and going each day, even on the days when I'm the most down.
She has definitely had to "put-up" with a lot from me. Due to me being Bipolar, I am depressed a majority of the time. She is always there to comfort me and see me thru all of my "episodes". But, I'll write about myself in another blog post.
We hope that this is the last holiday season we have to celebrate childless. We hope to be posting good news in a few weeks. That would definitely be the best Christmas gift ever!
Written by Barbara
Friday, November 9, 2012
Whoever They Are
I watched an episode of Dr. Phil titled "Moms Who Hate Their Own Children". The first mom has a 14-year-old daughter that is autistic. She tells her daughter that she hates her, she can't stand her, asks her what the hell is wrong with her, etc. She also pushes and hits her. The mother said she was a good mom to her when she was little. But, now she doesn't understand the way the girl acts, and doesn't understand autism. Her and her husband are both well-educated. She assumed when her and her husband had the baby, that the baby would be "normal". That the baby would be healthy, just like so many people.
I've heard so many people say, and have even said it myself (to an expectant mother, about a baby before it's born), "We don't care if it's a boy or girl, just as long as it's healthy." Well, of course everyone would wish for their baby to be healthy, but what if it isn't? What if your child is autistic, has Down Syndrome, has learning disabilities, is missing a limb, has an extra finger, has any disfigurement, mental disorder, physical limitations, blind, deaf, etc.
For us, who aren't moms yet, and have been on this journey awhile with no success, our answer is a little different now. When someone asks us, "Do y'all want a boy or a girl, or doesn't it matter, just healthy?", our response is "We just want a baby, just to be moms." Of course we don't wish for our children to have any limitations or anything that would make people want to label them as "different". But, we welcome whatever our child/children bring us.
We vow to embrace them, love them, cherish them, whoever they are!
Written by Barbara
I've heard so many people say, and have even said it myself (to an expectant mother, about a baby before it's born), "We don't care if it's a boy or girl, just as long as it's healthy." Well, of course everyone would wish for their baby to be healthy, but what if it isn't? What if your child is autistic, has Down Syndrome, has learning disabilities, is missing a limb, has an extra finger, has any disfigurement, mental disorder, physical limitations, blind, deaf, etc.
For us, who aren't moms yet, and have been on this journey awhile with no success, our answer is a little different now. When someone asks us, "Do y'all want a boy or a girl, or doesn't it matter, just healthy?", our response is "We just want a baby, just to be moms." Of course we don't wish for our children to have any limitations or anything that would make people want to label them as "different". But, we welcome whatever our child/children bring us.
We vow to embrace them, love them, cherish them, whoever they are!
Written by Barbara
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Staying Positive
Last Friday, Nov. 2nd Nikki tested positive for ovulation. This was a special day for us because this was the day we met on 7 years ago. The first test she took at 4am was negative. Since this was the 15th day of her cycle (she typically ovulates on day 13 or day 15), she took another test @ 8am. This test was definitely positive.
The doctor's office didn't open till 8:45am, so Nikki left a message for when they opened. She called our donor, and told him to go ahead and come over to the house. The doctor's office called back and said Nikki's doctor was off that day, but her nurse practitioner could do the IUI. They instructed us to take the specimen to the lab at their office closest to our house. There the tech would "wash and clean" the specimen. Then we were to bring it to their other location where the nurse practitioner was seeing patients. It's about a 20 minute drive from our home to location #1. The specimen must get there within 30 minutes, and kept warm on the ride over. When the lab tech finished she said that it was a good sample, but it needed to have been kept warmer. I suppose since the temperature here has dropped, and it was cooler outside Friday, we should have considered that. She told us not to worry, there was enough live "swimmers" to "do the trick". The washed specimen must now be kept warm for the 15 minute drive to location #2. She said the best way to do that is to stick the skinny tube in one of our bras. Nikki said mine would probably be the warmest, so I stuck it in. We were standing in the hallway where another couple was going into the room we were standing in front of. I'm sure they were wondering why I was sticking this in my bra. Lol
We had to wait about 10 minutes after arriving at location #2. I kept the "little swimmers" close to my heart. Once in the room, we felt like we had quite an audience. Nikki's regular doctor did the previous IUI with just us in the room. I'm guessing since this nurse practitioner hadn't done many IUI's she brought in two nurses. I'm sure the fact that we weren't the traditional couple was also a contributing factor. It didn't bother us a bit tho. The more people we can be "real" around, and show that we are just a normal couple like everyone else, the better. Since most people around here may have a negative attitude about lesbians/gays because of their limited exposure.
The procedure went as planned. Nikki had to lay with her hips elevated for 30 minutes before leaving the office. She must also have a 7-day post-ovulation blood test. This will test if she truly ovulated 7 days previous. After leaving the doctor's office, we went home to wait. The earliest we could possibly get a positive pregnancy test is Tuesday, Nov. 13th. That is just next week! We are always on edge and full of anxiety after insemination. We allow ourselves to dream and imagine as if this time was "the time". We will deal with the disappointment when and if that time comes. For now, we are staying positive!
The doctor's office didn't open till 8:45am, so Nikki left a message for when they opened. She called our donor, and told him to go ahead and come over to the house. The doctor's office called back and said Nikki's doctor was off that day, but her nurse practitioner could do the IUI. They instructed us to take the specimen to the lab at their office closest to our house. There the tech would "wash and clean" the specimen. Then we were to bring it to their other location where the nurse practitioner was seeing patients. It's about a 20 minute drive from our home to location #1. The specimen must get there within 30 minutes, and kept warm on the ride over. When the lab tech finished she said that it was a good sample, but it needed to have been kept warmer. I suppose since the temperature here has dropped, and it was cooler outside Friday, we should have considered that. She told us not to worry, there was enough live "swimmers" to "do the trick". The washed specimen must now be kept warm for the 15 minute drive to location #2. She said the best way to do that is to stick the skinny tube in one of our bras. Nikki said mine would probably be the warmest, so I stuck it in. We were standing in the hallway where another couple was going into the room we were standing in front of. I'm sure they were wondering why I was sticking this in my bra. Lol
We had to wait about 10 minutes after arriving at location #2. I kept the "little swimmers" close to my heart. Once in the room, we felt like we had quite an audience. Nikki's regular doctor did the previous IUI with just us in the room. I'm guessing since this nurse practitioner hadn't done many IUI's she brought in two nurses. I'm sure the fact that we weren't the traditional couple was also a contributing factor. It didn't bother us a bit tho. The more people we can be "real" around, and show that we are just a normal couple like everyone else, the better. Since most people around here may have a negative attitude about lesbians/gays because of their limited exposure.
The procedure went as planned. Nikki had to lay with her hips elevated for 30 minutes before leaving the office. She must also have a 7-day post-ovulation blood test. This will test if she truly ovulated 7 days previous. After leaving the doctor's office, we went home to wait. The earliest we could possibly get a positive pregnancy test is Tuesday, Nov. 13th. That is just next week! We are always on edge and full of anxiety after insemination. We allow ourselves to dream and imagine as if this time was "the time". We will deal with the disappointment when and if that time comes. For now, we are staying positive!
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